There are days when my brain is firing on all cylinders, and there are days like today when it won't cooperate at all.
It's always been thus for me. There's no obvious reason for it from day to day. Last week I had a couple of days of incredible productivity. Today I have a small but specific goal to write a three-minute piece for Medium, but I can't get it finished.
Yet, this is not procrastination, because I’ve been keen to do this particular task since yesterday morning. I’m not finding other things to do, and I’m not letting myself be distracted by more interesting things. I just can’t make my brain engage.
The day-to-day inconsistency of my brain has characterised my career and education too, whether it's having mental fog on the day of an exam, meeting a work deadline to a lower standard of quality I can't be effective on my allotted polishing day, or missing important details in a meeting despite being much sharper the day before.
This has got me thinking about whether there is a reason that I've simply not discovered. What am I doing differently? Sleep? Last night was fine. Food? I had a bit of chocolate last night, but other than that I was well-behaved all day, and I even drank plenty of fluid. Medications? Exactly the same for eight days running. Distractions? None at all today.
I might be able to find a way to shape my life to work around these days, but I'd rather not have to do that. I want to be able to elect that I will achieve a specific thing on a specific day, and not be thrown off course by an uncooperative brain.
The worst part is how days like this leave me feeling. My mood has plummeted since this morning, and absolutely everything is frustrating me.